NO BULLSHIT ZONE

Tired of
email bullshit?

AI that watches your inbox, learns what you actually give a fuck about, and filters the rest. No corporate marketing speak. No upselling. Just a tool I built because I was drowning in newsletters nobody asked for.

Try it free, blyat → Show me how

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⚠️ Warning: If you work in corporate marketing and send those "just checking in!" emails — we are not friends. This tool was built to destroy your open rates. Nothing personal. Actually, very personal.

✉️

Email Assistant

online

Analyzing your inbox...

Live Demo

Watch it work

Real simulation. This is exactly what you will get in Telegram.

Email arrives

New shit hits your inbox

AI thinks

Is this worth your time or not?

Verdict

Show you or send it to hell

You teach it

Feedback makes it smarter

The Brain

Simple logic. Zero fucking bullshit.

Not AI magic. Just rules that make sense plus learning from you.

🔐

Security shit

ALWAYS

💰

Money shit

Payments, invoices, bank alerts — you probably want these

ALWAYS

📰

Marketing garbage

Newsletters, promos, "unsubscribe" spam — sent straight to hell

FUCK OFF

🧠

Everything else

AI learns from YOUR feedback. Gets smarter every day.

LEARNS

The Rant

Why I built this shit

Look, I am not a company. I am just a dude who was fucking tired of checking email every 5 minutes like some sort of notification-addicted zombie.

Every morning: 47 new emails. 45 of them? Pure garbage. Newsletters I never signed up for. "Exciting updates" from services I used once in 2019. "Your weekly digest" — fuck your weekly digest.

So I built this. AI that runs on MY server (not OpenAI, not Google, none of that). It reads your email, decides if it is worth your time, and sends you a Telegram message if it is. If not? Silence. Beautiful silence.

Is it perfect? No, blyat. It is slow (~45 seconds per email because no GPU). Sometimes it fucks up. But it is honest, it is private, and it is free. Use it or do not. I do not care about your conversion rate.

Setup

60 seconds. I fucking timed it.

Open Telegram

Find @email_assistante_bot and type /start

Get app password

Google → Security → App Passwords

Paste it

AES-256 encrypted. I cannot read it.

✓

Done

AI monitors. You live your life.

Anti-FAQ

Questions you probably have

"Is it safe? You have my password!"

AES-256 encrypted. I cannot read it even if I wanted to. Your emails are processed and immediately forgotten. I do not store them. I do not read them. I do not give a shit about your emails — I just want the AI to filter them for you.

"Why Telegram? Why not an app?"

Because I am one person and building apps is a pain in the ass. Telegram works everywhere, has great notifications, and I did not have to deal with Apple's bullshit review process. Practical > Perfect.

"Why is it so slow?"

~45 seconds per email. I run local AI on CPU (no GPU). It is slow but 100% private. Your emails never leave my server to go to OpenAI or whoever. Trade-off I am willing to make.

"What if I want to delete everything?"

Type /stop in Telegram. Password deleted. History wiped. Gone. No guilt trips. No "are you sure?" No "we will miss you" bullshit. Just deleted.

"Why should I trust you?"

You probably should not trust random people on the internet. But here is the deal: I use this myself every fucking day. If I was doing something shady, I would be fucking myself over too. That is my guarantee.

Honesty

The transparent part

💸

Money

Server costs ~$40/month. I pay it. Not trying to become a unicorn startup. Just want a tool that works.

🔒

Privacy

AI runs locally. Not OpenAI. Not Google. Emails processed and immediately forgotten. I do not read your stuff.

🤖

The AI

Dolphin-Mistral 7B. Uncensored model that can actually be funny. Slow but honest.

🚪

Exit

Type /stop. Everything deleted. No retention. No "30 days to reconsider." Gone.

Tired ofemail bullshit?